Emotional Eating

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus . . .” 

Romans 8:1 (NIV)

 

I have noticed that there are two large groups of people who participate in the N.E.W. LIFE program.  About 50% of the people do not know what a balanced diet is, no less an optimal one, confused by nutrition information (and misinformation) and because the Standard American Diet is so far from optimal https://newlifeforhealth.blogspot.com/2013/08/an-optimal-diet.html.  Teach them, they have hardly any barriers to change (which totally amazes me), contact them years later and they often have maintained many or all of the changes made. 

However, the other 50ish% of each class (and the culture at large?) comes with an additional component underlying their food behaviors—a very out-of-balance, or outright addictive, emotional component to eating.  Now don’t misunderstand—an emotional component to eating is right and good.  Nutriture and nurture are two God-given roles of food (watch a baby at the breast).  Nurture is not the problem—overnurture is.  And overnurture usually results from undernurture, as with a “good food/bad food” diet mentality and restrictive diets that lead to what I call the “deprivation-rebound overeating” cycle.  The most perfect eating plan on earth is not going to help that 2^nd (very large) group of people, because their “problem” is not first and foremost about food, but rather coping with underlying unresolved issues without the aid of food.  In fact, often it will make them feel worse for having “failed” yet another great diet.  So while the first group of people will say, “I don’t have a relationship with food”, I have never in all my years of teaching ever heard one person complain that I spend about 45% of the time in the N.E.W. LIFE program and counseling on “relationship with food” issues, because everyone realizes that we would do a huge disservice to a huge amount of people if we do not help individuals who need to deal with this issue.

So the first thing you must do if you are looking to take the journey to better health is determine which group you are in.  Are you an “emotional  eater” or not?  It’s time to be honest.  Do you have a relationship with food that is out of balance? 

Whenever I use the term “emotional eater”, what I mean is an overemotional eater.  There is an emotional component to eating.  The goal is not to achieve a lifestyle of eating behavior totally devoid of any emotional component to eating.  But if you have no self-control regarding food, feel enslaved by food, or have allowed food to become an idol and take the place of God, then food has taken a place it is not meant to be in.  Overemotional eating is often fueled by underlying unresolved emotional pain.  Emotional eaters also turn to food to comfort loneliness, to calm stress, and about as many other reasons as there are emotions. 

Individuals who struggle with emotionally-driven eating often use food as a coping mechanism.  For emotional eaters the problem is not first and foremost about food, but rather coping with other issues without the aid of food.  If you are an emotional eater food can be a coping mechanism to deal with feelings that might otherwise make you feel uncomfortable—you may even feel they threaten to overwhelm you if you did not use something (like food) to cope with them.  This is why it is so difficult to break the cycle of emotional eating—it takes feeling, and healing from, difficult feelings that are much “easier” to ignore, bury under food, or deny.  Ironically, if you are an emotional eater you probably eat to keep uncomfortable feelings from surfacing.  You may not be able to label the pain, or you may be in denial that there is any pain fueling your eating behavior.  When I was bingeing 5x/night I could not label what the pain was and I was also in denial and unaware that there was anything wrong other than my lack of ability to control my food intake.  All I knew was I felt anxious if I did not eat (to stuff the pain)—food was a calming device.  But once I started (with God’s help) to lift the coping mechanism, the pain started to surface.  That’s when it was time to walk through the pain with God—not around the pain, ignore the pain, stuff the pain, deny the pain—but walk through the pain, with God, to Healing and freedom on the other side. 

However, the pain can be so great that it may not only be helpful but necessary to not go through it alone, but with an understanding spouse, a trusted friend, a professional Biblically-based Christian counselor or an experienced Biblically-based pastoral counselor and, most importantly, with God. When you take each step with Him through the process of Healing He won’t miss any steps (as even the best counselor, without God, likely will).  He knows everything that has happened, and He knows your heart better than you do.  The Word of God says we don’t even know our own hearts:

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it?”  

Jeremiah 17:9 (NIV)

God knows everything and He won’t miss any steps if you follow His lead for Healing.  I have heard professionals in the field of eating disorders say that people can get better from eating disorders, but they will have to live with the struggle to some degree for the rest of their lives.  But Jesus said,

". . . 'If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.  Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.'"

John 8:31-32 (NIV)

I, for one, can testify to the fact that I am completely free from the 5-tier, 15 year, unrelenting bondage I was in to food, diets, body image, exercise and the scale.  I can sleep in the same house as Haagen-Dazs ice cream through the night (whereas before I had to keep it out of the house, but would often go out and get it in the middle of the night).  Now I forget to eat in situations that have been far more painful than the ones that had me bingeing for 15 years straight.  I remember when I was facilitating a Christ-centered support/recovery group and I shared a painful situation I was going through, one of the women asked me, "Did you eat?" and I was the most amazed person on earth that I actually forgot to eat!  When God Heals He really Heals.  Freedom from food/body image obsession is available to everyone.  All agree that the problem involves physical and emotional factors.  However, the spiritual component is just as important as the first two (if not more) and, if left out, the professionals are right--we can get better, but not necessarily free.  True freedom results in being able to grieve the pain of life rather than turning to the "aid" of food to "cope".  Often that healing requires forgiveness which, without God, is virtually impossible for many people who have experienced so much horrendous offense.

So there are two reasons (at least) why it is important that you determine to walk with God through the process of healing from pain and any bondage to emotional eating that may have developed.  First of all, if you have replaced a relationship with Him with a relationship with food, it’s time to repent and get that right.  Furthermore, when He leads the process He doesn’t miss a step, so the result is freedom.  I remember the exact moment 30 years ago that I stood in front of the refrigerator and, for the first time, felt conviction rather than the 15 years straight of condemnation.  I didn’t realize it then, but now I know that was the Holy Spirit, and that was a powerful work of God.  It was the key turning point from self-condemnation to self-acceptance (instead of 15 years of feeling “you terrible, slovenly, lack of willpower person” I was coming out of denial and recognizing “something is obviously wrong”, though I could not yet tell you what it was).  I finally said to myself that something was obviously wrong, but I could not label the pain.  All I knew was that I felt anxious if I did not eat.  The difference was (and this was the turning point from going continually downhill to beginning the process up and out of the eating disorder) self-acceptance (notice I didn’t say “self-esteem”).  I felt conviction instead of the condemnation I had been under up until then.  That was the key turning point—conviction is from the Holy Spirit, condemnation is from the enemy.

The reality is if you suffer from emotional eating driven by unresolved issues, in order to become free of the bondage to emotional eating (and the toll it is taking on your life) it will likely involve healing from pain.  I define freedom as being able to grieve the pain of life without the aid of food to “cope”.  Real life involves both pain and joy.  With God’s Grace we can deal with the pain.  I don’t think He meant for food (or drugs, or alcohol, or promiscuous sex) to take that role.  Think about it—wouldn’t that mean we might just as well become an alcohol or drug addict and be excused for the same reason?  

For people who are not emotional eaters N.E.W. LIFE provides the thorough basis to change behaviors and maintain healthy eating and lifestyle habits for the rest of your life.  However, if you are an emotional eater you will likely not be able to achieve permanent weight management and freedom from bondage to food until underlying issues are resolved and your relationship with God begins to replace your relationship with food.

So first step--evaluate if you are an emotional eater or not.  Perhaps some of the following questions will help you to do that.  It is not an exhaustive list, but consider the following questions, preferably during or shortly after an overeating episode, and ask God to show you what He will:

Am I experiencing true physiological hunger or do I just want something (anything!) to eat?

Am I eating to calm anxiety?  Do I feel anxious if I don’t eat?

Am I eating to calm stress?

Have I been the "nurturer" for others so much today that I am using food to nurture me?  

Am I eating because I feel lonely?

Do I feel unloved?

Am I depressed?

Am I angry?

Am I overeating to "celebrate"? (some “feasting” is OK but holidays and social gatherings may affect your eating too often)

Am I eating to avoid love and intimacy?

Am I eating to avoid facing problems?

Am I eating to punish myself or others?

Am I overeating in response to depriving myself of food?

Do I binge several times a week?

 

God bless you on your journey with spiritual, emotional and physical health and Healing.

N.E.W. LIFE (Nutrition, Exercise, Wellness for LIFE): Biblical Support for Health and Freedom from Bondage to Food and Diets

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