Emotional Eating

I have taught thousands of people in the American Heart Association of Colorado's Slim for Life programs and the N.E.W. LIFE (Nutrition, Exercise, Wellness for LIFE) programs which I developed, as well as many other community programs.  There are two large groups of people who participated in the programs.  About 50% of the people do not know what a balanced diet is, no less an optimal one, because there is so much misinformation about nutrition, and because the Standard American Diet is so far from optimal.  Teach them, they have hardly any barriers to change (which totally amazes me), contact them years later and they often have maintained many or all of the changes made.

However, the other 50ish% of each class (and I believe the culture at large) comes with an additional component underlying their food behaviors—a very out-of-balance, or outright addictive, emotional component to eating.  Now don’t misunderstand—an emotional component to eating is right and good. Nutriture and nurture are two God-given roles of food (watch a baby at the breast).  Nurture is not the problem—overnurture is.  And overnurture usually results from undernurture, as with a “good food/bad food” diet mentality and restrictive diets that lead to what I call the deprivation-rebound overeating cycle.  The most perfect eating plan on earth is not going to help that 2nd (very large) group of people, because their “problem” is not first and foremost about food, but rather coping with underlying unresolved issues without the aid of food.  In fact, often it will make them feel worse for having “failed” yet another great diet.  

So the first thing you must do if you are looking to take the journey to better health is determine which group you are in.  Are you an “emotional eater” or not?  It’s time to be honest.  Do you have a relationship with food?  

Using Food as a Coping Mechanism

Whenever I use the term “emotional eater”, what I mean is an overemotional eater. There is an emotional component to eating.  The goal is not to achieve a lifestyle of eating behavior totally devoid of any emotional component to eating.  But if you have no self-control regarding food, feel enslaved by food, or have allowed food to become an idol and take the place of God, then food has taken a place it is not meant to be in.  Overemotional eating is often fueled by underlying unresolved emotional pain. Emotional eaters also turn to food to comfort loneliness, to calm stress, and about as many other reasons as there are emotions.

Individuals who struggle with emotionally-driven eating often use food as a “coping” mechanism.  For emotional eaters the “problem” is not first and foremost about food, but rather coping with other issues without the aid of food.  If you are an emotional eater food can be a coping mechanism to “deal” with feelings that might otherwise make you feel uncomfortable—you may even feel they threaten to overwhelm you if you did not use something (like food) to cope with them.  This is why it is so difficult to break the cycle of emotional eating—it takes feeling, and healing from, difficult feelings that are much “easier” to ignore, bury under food, or deny.  Ironically, if you are an “emotional eater” you probably eat to keep uncomfortable feelings from surfacing.  You may not be able to label the pain, or you may be in denial that there is any pain fueling your eating behavior.  When I was bingeing 5x/night I could not label what the pain was and I was also in denial and unaware that there was anything “wrong” other than my lack of ability to control my food intake.  All I knew was I felt anxious if I did not eat (to stuff the pain)—food was a “calming” device.  But once I started (with God’s help) to lift the coping mechanism, the pain started to surface.  That’s when it was time to walk through the pain with God—not around the pain, ignore the pain, stuff the pain, deny the pain—but walk through the pain, with God, to Healing and freedom on the other side.

However, the pain can be so great that it may not only be helpful but necessary to not go through it alone, but with an understanding spouse, a trusted friend, a professional Biblically-based Christian counselor or an experienced Biblically-based pastoral counselor and, most importantly, with God. When you take each step with Him through the process of Healing He won’t miss any steps (as even the best counselor, without God, likely will).  He knows everything that has happened, and He knows your heart better than you do.  The Word of God says we don’t even know our own hearts:

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?” 

Jeremiah 17:9 (NIV)

God knows everything and He won’t miss any steps if you follow His lead for Healing, so the result is freedom.  Many professionals in the field of eating disorders say that people can get better from eating disorders but they will have to live with the struggle to some degree for the rest of their lives.  But Jesus said,

". . . ‘If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.’” 

John 8:31-32 (NIV) 

The believer who has received Christ also receives the promised Holy Spirit who sanctifies and transforms us.  The believer who dies with Christ truly experiences that old things pass away as he/she becomes a new creation in Christ.  Sanctification is not merely an outer change, but a thorough change, transformation from the inside-out (not the outside-in like diets which fail).  Increasingly the sanctified believer loves the things of God more than the things of the world, and the bondage to food and body image begins to disintegrate.

“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.”  

2 Corinthians 5:17 (NKJV)

I, for one, can testify to the fact that I am completely free from the 5-tier, 15 year, unrelenting bondage I was in to food, diets, body image, exercise and the scale.  I can sleep in the same house as Haagen-Dazs ice cream through the night (whereas before I had to keep it out of the house, but would often go out and get it in the middle of the night).  Now I forget to eat in situations that have been far more painful than the ones that had me bingeing for 15 years straight.  I remember when I was facilitating a Christ-centered support/recovery group and I shared a painful situation I was going through, one of the women asked me, “Did you eat?” and I was the most amazed person on earth that I actually forgot to eat!  When God Heals He really Heals.  Freedom from food/body image obsession is available to everyone. All agree that the problem involves physical and emotional factors.  However, the spiritual component is just as important as the first two (if not more) and, if left out, the professionals are right--we can get better, but not necessarily free.  True freedom results in being able to grieve the pain of life rather than turning to the “aid” of food to “cope”.  Often that healing requires forgiveness which, without God, is virtually impossible for many people who have experienced so much horrendous offense.

I remember the exact moment 30 years ago that I stood in front of the refrigerator and, for the first time, felt “conviction” rather than the 15 years straight of “condemnation”.  I didn’t realize it then, but now I know that was the Holy Spirit, and that was a powerful work of God.  It was the key turning point from self-condemnation to self-acceptance (instead of 15 years of feeling “you terrible, slovenly, lack of willpower person” I was coming out of denial and recognizing “something is obviously wrong”, though I could not yet tell you what it was). I finally said to myself that something was obviously wrong, but I could not label the pain.  All I knew was that I felt anxious if I did not eat.  The difference was (and this was the turning point from going continually downhill to beginning the process up and out of the eating disorder) self-acceptance (notice I didn’t say “self-esteem”).  I felt conviction instead of the condemnation I had been under up until then.  That was the key turning point—conviction is from the Holy Spirit, condemnation is from the enemy.

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus . . .” 

Romans 8:1 (NIV)

The reality is if you suffer from emotional eating driven by unresolved issues, in order to become free of the bondage to emotional eating (and the toll it is taking on your life) it will likely involve healing from pain.  I define freedom as being able to grieve the pain of life without the aid of food to “cope”. Real life involves both pain and joy.  With God’s Grace we can deal with the pain.  I don’t think He meant for food (or drugs, or alcohol, or promiscuous sex) to take that role.  Think about it—wouldn’t that mean we might just as well become an alcohol or drug addict and be excused for the same reason?

For those readers who are not emotional eaters, with some encouragement, nutrition education and perhaps some accountability and support you will probably be able to change behaviors and maintain healthy eating and lifestyle habits for the rest of your life.  For those who are emotional eaters, it is likely you will not be able to achieve permanent weight management and freedom from bondages to food/body image obsessions until underlying issues are resolved and your relationship with God begins to replace your relationship with food.  You can begin today to grow your relationship with God.  Start by reading His Word, daily.  Get to know Him.  Let Him Speak into your life.  And get ready for an amazing journey with God which includes Healing from any underlying pain feeding your out-of-balance relationship with food.  Begin now to live the life you were meant to live.  My hope is that the Seed blog can help people along the way.

For more help in the meantime you can check out the N.E.W. LIFE e-book which includes more Biblical support, the N.E.W. LIFE Eating Plan and additional nutrition information.

Your Christian dietitian and friend in Christ,

Diane