Relationship With God

“Come near to God and he will come near to you.”

James 4:8a (NIV)

 

Once we begin to realize how much God loves us, and continue to grow in that understanding by reading His Word (His Love Letter to us) regularly, the next step is to enter into and grow in a  relationship with God.  How do we enter into a relationship with God?  Jesus says we must be “born again”:

“‘Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.’

Nicodemus said to Him, ‘How can a man be born when he is old?  Can he enter a second time into his mother’s womb and be born?’

Jesus answered, ‘Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born of water and the Spirit, he cannot enter the kingdom of God.  That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.  Do not marvel that I said to you, “You must be born again.”  The wind blows where it wishes, and you hear the sound of it, but cannot tell where it comes from and where it goes.  So is everyone who is born of the Spirit. . . For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.’”  

John 3:3-8, 16 (NKJV)

Jesus died a gruesome death to take our sin that we might have relationship with a holy God.

A relationship with God begins with repentance.  Jesus began His earthly ministry preaching repentance, continued preaching repentance throughout His earthly ministry, and taught His disciples to continue preaching repentance after He left:

“From that time Jesus began to preach and to say, ‘Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand.’”  

Matthew 4:17 (NKJV)

“Then He said to them, ‘Thus it is written, and thus it was necessary for the Christ to suffer and to rise from the dead the third day, and that repentance and remission of sins should be preached in His name to all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.’”  

Luke 24:46-47 (NKJV)

A relationship with God begins with repentance for sin which is met with the forgiveness of God and conversion from death (from sin) to life (in Christ).  There is a new spiritual birth into a new man, having previously been spiritually dead now spiritually alive in relationship with God.  We are born again into a new spiritual relationship with God—we become adopted children of the Father.  The Bible refers to born-again believers who make up the Church as the bride of Christ, a term which represents the closest of relationships and God’s desire for an intimate relationship with us:

 

“And Jesus answered and spoke to them again by parables and said: ‘The kingdom of heaven is like a certain king who arranged a marriage for his son, and sent out his servants to call those who were invited to the wedding; and they were not willing to come.’”              

Matthew 22:1-3 (NKJV)

 “I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy.  I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him.”  

2 Corinthians 11:2 (NIV)

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish.”  

Ephesians 5:25-27 (NKJV)

“Let us rejoice and be glad and give him glory!  For the wedding of the Lamb has come, and his bride has made herself ready.”  

Revelation 19:7 (NIV)

“One of the seven angels who had the seven bowls full of the seven last plagues came and said to me, ‘Come, I will show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb.’”  

Revelation 21:9 (NIV)

“The Spirit and the bride say, ‘Come!’”  

Revelation 22:17a (NIV)

 

If you are struggling with an out-of-balance relationship with food focus on growing your relationship with God.  As your love for God grows your love for Him will replace your love for the world and unholy affections.  As your relationship with God grows He will change you from the inside-out.  No more dieting to try to change from the outside-in which at best usually only produces temporary change and adds nothing to your eternal relationship with God.  The N.E.W. LIFE book below is written to help people who struggle with a poor relationship with food to better health, for individuals in bondage to food and diets to find freedom, and to help those who have settled for a relationship with food to discover the incomparably more satisfying relationship with God and the abundant life that Jesus died to give us.

 

Dear Jesus, we know You desire intimate relationship with each one of us and that it starts with confession and repentance for sin and receiving the Father’s forgiveness for which you died for us to reconcile us to God to be in relationship with Him.  Thank you for Your Sacrifice that we might be restored in relationship with the Father, adopted as His children into the family of God.

 

N.E.W. LIFE (Nutrition, Exercise, Wellness for LIFE): Biblical Support for Health and Freedom from Bondage to Food and Diets

 

                      Print book  $20  https://payhip.com/b/aLGtD             

           E-book  $10  https://payhip.com/b/JKrMG

God Loves Us

“God is love.”

1 John 4:16b

In the Emotional Eating blog post I provided a list of questions to help evaluate if you are an emotional eater or not.  The next step is to evaluate your relationship with God.  Whether you have determined you are an “emotional eater” (and remember, that means overemotional eater) or not it is important to evaluate your relationship with God.  For the emotional eater this is critical—your focus should be to replace your “relationship with food” with a closer relationship with God.  For those who are not emotional eaters, you may still find that your relationship with God impacts your behaviors (and thus behavior change ahead).

It all starts with God’s Love.

What does the Bible say about God’s relationship to the believer?  It is a relationship of unfathomable love by God towards His children:

 

It is a lavish love:

 

“See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God!  And that is what we are!”  1 John 3:1a-b (NIV)

 

He pours His love into our hearts:

“. . . because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”  Romans 5:5 (NIV)

 

It is an unbelievably merciful, graceful, sacrificial love:

 

“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.”  Ephesians 2:4-5 (NIV)

“Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.”  John 15:13 (NIV)

“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”  John 3:16 (NIV)

 

“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”  Romans 5:8 (NIV)

 

It is an inseparable love:

 

“No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”  Romans 8:37-39 (NIV)

 

It is a very present, personal love:

 

“Jesus answered and said to him, ‘If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him.’”  John 14:23 (NKJV)

 

It is an initiated, selfless love:

 

“We love because he first loved us.”  1 John 4:19 (NIV)

 

It is a knowable, abiding love:

 

“If anyone acknowledges that Jesus is the Son of God, God lives in them and they in God.  And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.  God is love.  Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.”  1 John 4:15-16 (NIV)

 

God loves us with a love that is greater than we can fully comprehend, and He expects us to love Him back, and others, as much as we can with the love He shares with us:

 

“Jesus replied: ‘“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind”.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like it: “Love your neighbor as yourself.”’”  Matthew 22:37-39 (NIV)

 

God wrote a LOVE letter (the Bible) to you. 

Have you read it?

 

Once we know how much God loves us, our love for Him grows, and our growing love for God replaces our love for the world and unholy affections.  The N.E.W. LIFE book below is written to help people who struggle with a poor relationship with food to better health, for individuals in bondage to food and diets to find freedom, and to help those who have settled for a relationship with food to discover the incomparably more satisfying relationship with God and the abundant life that Jesus died to give us.

 

Dear God, Help us to know how much You Love us as revealed in Your Holy Word.  Fill us with Your Love that we may love You with all our heart, with all our soul, and with all our mind.  In Jesus’ Name, Amen

 

N.E.W. LIFE (Nutrition, Exercise, Wellness for LIFE): Biblical Support for Health and Freedom from Bondage to Food and Diets

         Print book  $20  https://payhip.com/b/aLGtD          

 

E-book  $10  https://payhip.com/b/JKrMG 

Behavior Change is a Process

“. . . being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” 

 

Philippians 1:6 (NIV)

 

Freedom from compulsive overeating is usually a process.  Compulsive overeaters do not stop “cold turkey” like smokers or alcoholics do, probably because compulsive overeating is not a predominantly physical addiction, but has a predominant emotional component to it which requires a process of healing.  Dr. James Prochaska, a well-respected professor and researcher of psychology, has identified 6 commonly experienced “stages of change” and explains that people often get stuck in the “Contemplation” stage for years https://www.avannistelrooij.nl/wp/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/Prochaska-ea-1992-how-people-change-AP.pdf.  He advises contemplators to focus on the negatives of their current behavior and to imagine the consequences down the line if they do not do things differently.  I propose that for individuals who struggle with alcohol, tobacco and drug addiction the negatives of their current behavior and future consequences are often harder to ignore than for individuals who “only” struggle with a food addiction, which may explain more cold-turkey change stories by smokers, drug addicts and alcoholics.  In contrast, we need food, and food is unquestionably a good thing for us to have, which may prolong denial about it becoming something that is actually harmful to our health if we abuse it.  This may be why healing from food addiction is often more of a process than overcoming an alcohol, tobacco or drug addiction.

Setbacks are a normal, helpful part of the process out of out-of-balance food behaviors.  It will be helpful if you can see setbacks as helpful instead of defeating.  The process of overcoming compulsive eating usually involves setbacks which get further and further apart (just like the grieving process that happens after the loss of a loved one).  Be gentle on yourself, especially when setbacks happen—they do not mean you are a “failure”.  Setbacks most likely will happen, and you can either learn a lot of valuable information from them that helps in the process of healing or you can let them defeat you.  Why don’t you make your mind up about that now.  And why don’t you evaluate which stage of change you are in:

 

Precontemplation:  Precontemplators have no current intention of changing.  They often feel a situation is hopeless, perhaps because they have tried to change before without success.  They use denial and defensiveness to keep from going forward.

Strategies: Help is needed from others to allow precontemplators to see themselves as others do.  It can come in the form of simple observations or confrontation.  Sometimes it comes from a visit to the doctor or a stirring life event such as the birth of a grandchild or a 40th birthday.

 

Contemplation:  Contemplators accept that they have a problem and begin to think seriously about changing it.  It is easy to get stuck in the contemplation stage for years!  Traps include the search for absolute certainty, waiting for the magic moment, and wishful thinking.

Strategies:  It can help contemplators to recognize the negatives of their current behavior and imagine the consequences if they do not do things differently.  Social support can be helpful.

 

Preparation:  Most people in this stage plan to take action within a month.  They think more about the future than about the past.

Strategies:  Preparers develop a firm, detailed scheme for action.  Many motivate themselves by making their intended change public.  Social support and self-reevaluation help in this stage.

 

Action:  Clearly and evidently modifying behavior; the busiest stage of change.

Strategies:  People in the action stage need to apply their sense of commitment to the change.  They should also reward themselves.  Replacing behaviors and making the environment more change-friendly are important in this stage.  Supportive relationships provide motivation.

 

Maintenance:  Often far more difficult to achieve than action.  Maintenance can last 6 months to a lifetime.  Programs that promise easy change usually fail to acknowledge that maintenance is a long, ongoing process.  Three common challenges to maintenance are overconfidence, daily temptation, and self-blame for lapses.           *[Maintenance is not more difficult if change is with God.]

Strategies:  People in maintenance should apply the same strategies as those in the action stage: commitment, reward, countering, modification of the environment, and helping relationships.

*My note.

 

Termination:  The problem no longer presents any temptation!  The cycle of change is exited.

(Adapted from Tufts University Diet & Nutrition Letter; 1996, p. 4)

 

It is not uncommon to straddle two or more stages!

 

Thank you God that you are with us in every stage of life.  Help us to identify where we should change.  Thank you for the power of the Holy Spirit given to us to transform us.

 

N.E.W. LIFE (Nutrition, Exercise, Wellness for LIFE): Biblical Support for Health and Freedom from Bondage to Food and Diets

    Print book  $20  https://payhip.com/b/aLGtD          

 

E-book  $10  https://payhip.com/b/JKrMG     

Emotional Eating

“Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus . . .” 

Romans 8:1 (NIV)

 

I have noticed that there are two large groups of people who participate in the N.E.W. LIFE program.  About 50% of the people do not know what a balanced diet is, no less an optimal one, confused by nutrition information (and misinformation) and because the Standard American Diet is so far from optimal https://newlifeforhealth.blogspot.com/2013/08/an-optimal-diet.html.  Teach them, they have hardly any barriers to change (which totally amazes me), contact them years later and they often have maintained many or all of the changes made. 

However, the other 50ish% of each class (and the culture at large?) comes with an additional component underlying their food behaviors—a very out-of-balance, or outright addictive, emotional component to eating.  Now don’t misunderstand—an emotional component to eating is right and good.  Nutriture and nurture are two God-given roles of food (watch a baby at the breast).  Nurture is not the problem—overnurture is.  And overnurture usually results from undernurture, as with a “good food/bad food” diet mentality and restrictive diets that lead to what I call the “deprivation-rebound overeating” cycle.  The most perfect eating plan on earth is not going to help that 2^nd (very large) group of people, because their “problem” is not first and foremost about food, but rather coping with underlying unresolved issues without the aid of food.  In fact, often it will make them feel worse for having “failed” yet another great diet.  So while the first group of people will say, “I don’t have a relationship with food”, I have never in all my years of teaching ever heard one person complain that I spend about 45% of the time in the N.E.W. LIFE program and counseling on “relationship with food” issues, because everyone realizes that we would do a huge disservice to a huge amount of people if we do not help individuals who need to deal with this issue.

So the first thing you must do if you are looking to take the journey to better health is determine which group you are in.  Are you an “emotional  eater” or not?  It’s time to be honest.  Do you have a relationship with food that is out of balance? 

Whenever I use the term “emotional eater”, what I mean is an overemotional eater.  There is an emotional component to eating.  The goal is not to achieve a lifestyle of eating behavior totally devoid of any emotional component to eating.  But if you have no self-control regarding food, feel enslaved by food, or have allowed food to become an idol and take the place of God, then food has taken a place it is not meant to be in.  Overemotional eating is often fueled by underlying unresolved emotional pain.  Emotional eaters also turn to food to comfort loneliness, to calm stress, and about as many other reasons as there are emotions. 

Individuals who struggle with emotionally-driven eating often use food as a coping mechanism.  For emotional eaters the problem is not first and foremost about food, but rather coping with other issues without the aid of food.  If you are an emotional eater food can be a coping mechanism to deal with feelings that might otherwise make you feel uncomfortable—you may even feel they threaten to overwhelm you if you did not use something (like food) to cope with them.  This is why it is so difficult to break the cycle of emotional eating—it takes feeling, and healing from, difficult feelings that are much “easier” to ignore, bury under food, or deny.  Ironically, if you are an emotional eater you probably eat to keep uncomfortable feelings from surfacing.  You may not be able to label the pain, or you may be in denial that there is any pain fueling your eating behavior.  When I was bingeing 5x/night I could not label what the pain was and I was also in denial and unaware that there was anything wrong other than my lack of ability to control my food intake.  All I knew was I felt anxious if I did not eat (to stuff the pain)—food was a calming device.  But once I started (with God’s help) to lift the coping mechanism, the pain started to surface.  That’s when it was time to walk through the pain with God—not around the pain, ignore the pain, stuff the pain, deny the pain—but walk through the pain, with God, to Healing and freedom on the other side. 

However, the pain can be so great that it may not only be helpful but necessary to not go through it alone, but with an understanding spouse, a trusted friend, a professional Biblically-based Christian counselor or an experienced Biblically-based pastoral counselor and, most importantly, with God. When you take each step with Him through the process of Healing He won’t miss any steps (as even the best counselor, without God, likely will).  He knows everything that has happened, and He knows your heart better than you do.  The Word of God says we don’t even know our own hearts:

“The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.  Who can understand it?”  

Jeremiah 17:9 (NIV)

God knows everything and He won’t miss any steps if you follow His lead for Healing.  I have heard professionals in the field of eating disorders say that people can get better from eating disorders, but they will have to live with the struggle to some degree for the rest of their lives.  But Jesus said,

". . . 'If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples.  Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.'"

John 8:31-32 (NIV)

I, for one, can testify to the fact that I am completely free from the 5-tier, 15 year, unrelenting bondage I was in to food, diets, body image, exercise and the scale.  I can sleep in the same house as Haagen-Dazs ice cream through the night (whereas before I had to keep it out of the house, but would often go out and get it in the middle of the night).  Now I forget to eat in situations that have been far more painful than the ones that had me bingeing for 15 years straight.  I remember when I was facilitating a Christ-centered support/recovery group and I shared a painful situation I was going through, one of the women asked me, "Did you eat?" and I was the most amazed person on earth that I actually forgot to eat!  When God Heals He really Heals.  Freedom from food/body image obsession is available to everyone.  All agree that the problem involves physical and emotional factors.  However, the spiritual component is just as important as the first two (if not more) and, if left out, the professionals are right--we can get better, but not necessarily free.  True freedom results in being able to grieve the pain of life rather than turning to the "aid" of food to "cope".  Often that healing requires forgiveness which, without God, is virtually impossible for many people who have experienced so much horrendous offense.

So there are two reasons (at least) why it is important that you determine to walk with God through the process of healing from pain and any bondage to emotional eating that may have developed.  First of all, if you have replaced a relationship with Him with a relationship with food, it’s time to repent and get that right.  Furthermore, when He leads the process He doesn’t miss a step, so the result is freedom.  I remember the exact moment 30 years ago that I stood in front of the refrigerator and, for the first time, felt conviction rather than the 15 years straight of condemnation.  I didn’t realize it then, but now I know that was the Holy Spirit, and that was a powerful work of God.  It was the key turning point from self-condemnation to self-acceptance (instead of 15 years of feeling “you terrible, slovenly, lack of willpower person” I was coming out of denial and recognizing “something is obviously wrong”, though I could not yet tell you what it was).  I finally said to myself that something was obviously wrong, but I could not label the pain.  All I knew was that I felt anxious if I did not eat.  The difference was (and this was the turning point from going continually downhill to beginning the process up and out of the eating disorder) self-acceptance (notice I didn’t say “self-esteem”).  I felt conviction instead of the condemnation I had been under up until then.  That was the key turning point—conviction is from the Holy Spirit, condemnation is from the enemy.

The reality is if you suffer from emotional eating driven by unresolved issues, in order to become free of the bondage to emotional eating (and the toll it is taking on your life) it will likely involve healing from pain.  I define freedom as being able to grieve the pain of life without the aid of food to “cope”.  Real life involves both pain and joy.  With God’s Grace we can deal with the pain.  I don’t think He meant for food (or drugs, or alcohol, or promiscuous sex) to take that role.  Think about it—wouldn’t that mean we might just as well become an alcohol or drug addict and be excused for the same reason?  

For people who are not emotional eaters N.E.W. LIFE provides the thorough basis to change behaviors and maintain healthy eating and lifestyle habits for the rest of your life.  However, if you are an emotional eater you will likely not be able to achieve permanent weight management and freedom from bondage to food until underlying issues are resolved and your relationship with God begins to replace your relationship with food.

So first step--evaluate if you are an emotional eater or not.  Perhaps some of the following questions will help you to do that.  It is not an exhaustive list, but consider the following questions, preferably during or shortly after an overeating episode, and ask God to show you what He will:

Am I experiencing true physiological hunger or do I just want something (anything!) to eat?

Am I eating to calm anxiety?  Do I feel anxious if I don’t eat?

Am I eating to calm stress?

Have I been the "nurturer" for others so much today that I am using food to nurture me?  

Am I eating because I feel lonely?

Do I feel unloved?

Am I depressed?

Am I angry?

Am I overeating to "celebrate"? (some “feasting” is OK but holidays and social gatherings may affect your eating too often)

Am I eating to avoid love and intimacy?

Am I eating to avoid facing problems?

Am I eating to punish myself or others?

Am I overeating in response to depriving myself of food?

Do I binge several times a week?

 

God bless you on your journey with spiritual, emotional and physical health and Healing.

N.E.W. LIFE (Nutrition, Exercise, Wellness for LIFE): Biblical Support for Health and Freedom from Bondage to Food and Diets

    Print book  $20  https://payhip.com/b/aLGtD          

 

E-book  $10  https://payhip.com/b/JKrMG